I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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