i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
