Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
