He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
