So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
