I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
