weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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