I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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