I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
