it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Small penises have feelings too.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
