This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
