Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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