I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize