Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
