Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
