Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
