wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
