Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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