i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
