I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
