hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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