Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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