Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I supernannyed him into submission
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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