Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
