Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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