dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
