let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
