Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
