based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
