is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
