Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize