we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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