Pappa wants mamma naked
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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