if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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