Who wears a wallet chain?!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
