his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Farmville is her only friend.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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