Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I touched a dick in church today
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
