She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
