I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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