So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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