Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize