the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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