Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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