You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
