I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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