I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize