don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
