drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
