I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
