I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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