his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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