i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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