She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
pray to the hookup gods
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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