I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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