That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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