He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
