Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize