remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
