Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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