My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
