What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
