I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
