Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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