You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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