so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
