i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
