I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
