he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
