She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize