You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
