hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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