Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So vagazzling was a success
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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