did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
