did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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