the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
