haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize