my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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