so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
