did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
