As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
