I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
