Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
