Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
