he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We left the knife in your bed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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