So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
