genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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