when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
