I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
