i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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