Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
