just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
