youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
