This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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