they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
