if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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