Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
