I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
