Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
