mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have aggressive nipples.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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