she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
